kaleidoscope

as well as those in foreseeable future.

“The rise of a city, which swelled into an empire, may deserve, as a singular prodigy, the reflection of a philosophic mind. But the decline of Rome was the natural and inevitable effect of immoderate greatness. Prosperity ripened the principle of decay; the causes of destruction multiplied with the extent of conquest; and as soon as time or accident had removed the artificial supports, the stupendous fabric yielded to the pressure of its own weight.”

—Edward Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

“The struggle of man against power is the struggle of memory against forgetting.”
—Milan Kundera, The Book of Laughter and Forgetting.

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day.
You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

支持章詒和先生。
“Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”
—-John Donne

以下轉貼:
我的聲明和態度 —-章詒和
2007年1月11日，在全國圖書定貨會開幕當日，中國新聞出版總署召集了一個“通風會”。會上，副署長鄔書林先生以宣讀方式公佈了一份“2006年出版違規書選”，被點名的書裏,《伶人往事》列於三。鄔先生對出版此書的湖南文藝出版社說（大意）：“這個人已經反復打過招呼，她的書不能出，……你們還真敢出……對這本書是因人廢書。”接著，自然是對該社的嚴厲懲處。
鄔先生說的“這個人”，指的就是我了。我是誰？我是從事戲曲研究的老研究人員，是中國民主同盟的老盟員，是退休在家的孤寡老婦。六十歲的時候，我拿起了筆，寫起了往事。先說的是父輩故事，後講的是伶人傳奇。第一本書被禁（即“賣完了，就別再版了”）。雖說這是應中央統戰部的要求，但權力機關已經對我的權益有所侵害。這次，鄔先生沒有對《伶人往事》做出任何評價，卻對我本人的個人權利進行了直接的侵害。我們的憲法有明文規定：“中華人民共和國公民有言論、出版、集會、結社、遊行、示威的自由。”他的“因人廢書”，直指我本人，直接剝奪我的出版權，而這是一個公民的基本權利。
我知道——在鄔先生的眼裏，章詒和是右派。好，就算我是右派。那麼，我要問：右派是不是公民？在當代中國，一個右派就既不能說，也不能寫了嗎？誰都知道，只要是個社會，就有左中右，其中的左派永遠是少數。我們這個國家是不是只許左派講話、出書？廣大的中間派和右派只有閉嘴。果真如此的話，我們的憲法應當立即修改，寫明容許哪些人出書，享有公民的基本權利；不容許哪些人出書，不能享有公民的基本權利（其實，現在某些左派和左派官員出書之難，並不在我之下）。鄔先生，您是什麼派？您代表誰？在就前不久，溫家寶總理在公開場合表示——希望並要求中國的作家和藝術家能講真話。言猶在耳哪！通風會就發出了這樣的聲音，宣佈了這樣的措施。新聞總署是國家行政機構，是國務院的下級。這不是和國務院對著幹嗎？鄔先生，您到底想要幹什麼？
借此機會，我想說明這樣一個態度：從提筆的那一刻起，我就沒想當什麼社會精英，更沒想去寫什麼“大”歷史。我只是敍述了與個人經驗、家族生活相關的瑣事，內裏有苦難，有溫馨，還有換代之際的世態人情。我的寫作衝動也很十分明確：一個從地獄中出來的人對天堂的追求和嚮往。因為第一本書裏的張伯駒、羅隆基，第二本書裏的馬連良，第三本書裏的葉盛蘭、葉盛長連同我的父母，都在那裏呢——“他們在天國遠遠望著我，目光憐憫又慈祥”。
再鄭重地重複一遍：我不會放棄對公民基本權利的維護，因為它維繫著一個人的尊嚴和良知。鄔先生的行為是違反憲法的！從精神到程式，他都沒有遵守。官場可以盛行“一致通過”，面對領導人可以做到“聆聽教誨”；與此同時，是否也可以給草民騰出一點兒空間：給他們留下一張嘴，叫他們說說；給他們留下一隻筆，讓他們寫寫。和諧社會的搭建不是靠勒緊，它需要的恰恰是鬆動。
前兩本書的被封殺，我均以“不在乎”應之。但事不過三。這次，我在乎，很在乎！鄔先生，告訴您：我將以生命面對你的嚴重違法行為。祝英台能以生命維護她的愛情，我就能以生命維護我的文字。
遵守憲法的首先該是政府。您是高官，這點應當比我清楚。

章詒和 2007.1.19

“I love snow, and all the forms of the radiant frost.”
—-Percy Bysshe Shelley

01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don’t watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I’ve tried marijuana
09. I’ve watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship (depends on your definition, though)
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I cuss frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I’ve been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I’m really, really smart ——-*lol*
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar free
26. I need money right now!
27. I love sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I’m popular
49. I can whistle
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex —*does my mom count?*
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal
58. I don’t hate anyone
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I’ve rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past
85. I own the “South Park” movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal
87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy some country music
90. I think that Pizza Hut did have/has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I cry at least twice a week
99. I’m happy as of this moment
00. I think the Beagle is the best breed of dog —*hell no!*

英靈不朽，浩氣長存。

在和校友閒談時，很莫名其妙地發現L有了追求她的男孩子，兩人進展相當快，儼如一對小情侶。男孩子看似純品人家，成績奕佳，和温文賢良的L還算相配。當我表示我並不知情時，校友倒是驚呼不可能，你們倆不是剛拉拉手去公園玩嗎? 面對這個尚未細想過的情節，久未上場的我有一點不自在，不知道如何回答是好。

相同地，前幾天與天使小姐說話時，被她那一句”well my ex told me…”也不知道我有沒有了解簡簡單單的四五個字，嚇得一時恍惚得只能在發呆。反應也真的是遲滯。

不解的是，當然朋友們有辛福生活我是十分十分高興，尤其是L，從十年前我便期望王子會來迎娶我心中的公主。若她們不告訴我(Of course they don’t have the responsibility to tell me, but it would be kind if they do.)，我一直以為我會激動，會像以往遇上M或H般哭，會傷心難過。但是，我沒有。我連一句話也說不出，也說不出那是甚麼感受。是一種慶幸，失洛和冷然。是對於我曾經如此地喜歡着其它人那一種熱情的嘲諷，還是衰傷自己好像永遠沒有和他人交心的能力?任人可事都會使我患得患失，「友情」於我，是殘像。(也難怪，我的確是不可靠又毛病多多。)

親愛的天使小姐，不知道你畢業典禮那一天天氣好嗎?順利嗎?你是忙得只能打三個字給我…?若一切皆好，請告訴我。我還是期待你我再見的。

May the best comes to your future. Congratulations, my dear.